Des*perate House*wives

It started out innocently enough. On a bright Monday morning, I awoke to the sounds of robins singing, and eagerly climbed out of bed. I sat sipping my tea, admiring the blue sky through my kitchen window. "What a perfect day for laundry," I thought. Cheerfully, I pulled the sheets off the bed and trotted downstairs to put them into the washer. Half an hour later, I stepped onto the deck with the clean sheets in my arms, when I noticed my neighbour's sheets dancing cheerfully on her clothesline. "Egads," I thought to myself. "She must have started early today."

On Tuesday morning, I woke up a little earlier. "Ah HA," I murmured as I hurried down to the washing machine. "If I start the washer before I put on the kettle, I'll definitely get mine on the line before she does. Not that it's a competition." And sure enough, her clothesline was naked and ashamed as I hung out our clothes. Forty minutes later, I spied my neighbour as she sheepishly hung out a load of socks. I smirked to myself.

On Wednesday morning, I gathered up every towel in the house and stuffed them in the machine by 7:45. I drummed my fingers on the top of the washer as I hovered around waiting for the spin cycle to stop. But when I threw open the deck door and charged out to the line, I ground my teeth in frustration.... my neighbour's own towels were swaying in the morning breeze, mocking me. I scowled as I set down my basket.

On Thursday morning, I set the alarm for 6:30. I feverishly gathered up my children's clothing from their hampers, tripping over a pair of jeans as I flew down the stairs and to the washing machine. "Go, go, go," I muttered breathlessly. "Come on!" At the end of the cycle, I nearly caught my hand in the still-spinning machine. But triumph was mine that day. I stood at the kitchen window, furtively staring at her deck door until I saw her sneak out and hang up a load of whites. I smiled cruelly.

On Friday morning, the alarm went off at 6:15. My husband bleated a weak protest when I pulled the sheets off the bed, right out from under him. "Didn't you just wash these?" he moaned. "Who cares about the stupid clothesline?"
"Give me your pillowcase," I snapped. "I don't have time for games right now."
But when I took the sheets out to the deck, I saw that my neighbour had hung out her bathmats. "That's not even fair," I shrieked silently. "I bet you put those out last night!"

By unspoken agreement, we took the weekend off. And it's been rainy these past two days, so there has been a cease-fire. But I've been saving up all our laundry ("Mom, I don't have any clean socks! Can I please just do one load?") and the forecast is for sun tomorrow.

Victory shall be mine!